This has been *quite* a week. RL and SL style. I've been dealing with a very strange sinus infection that seems to have affected my ears and my equilibrium, so I've been off work for the last 5 days. Which is a welcome respite, and has been spoiling me a bit, to be honest. Some downtime and time to spend with Katie is always good time.
MrPlow seems to have found his calling in SL, building things, apparently. He's found himself a plot of land, built a garage and even bought himself a truck and some tools. Talk about art imitating life! Hah!
I'm way proud of Kimala, d, Willa and Clynt...they've been busy cooking up new ideas and new schedule for the Bistro, and Kim's right...stay the course. Build it, and they will come. Both of our groups have been reaching new milestones, as they've passed 100 and I'm holding steady at 99, looking to break into the triple digits this weekend :)
I'm proud of Cal too...getting back to his custom building, trying to make himself some money to buy some new clothes ;) Hopefully we can all think of fancy things for him to build for all of our respective business needs :)
mikki had her big fashion show this past weekend, and that was a blast. I got myself a beautiful dress to pimp her shop with, even if the skirt DID eat half of my inventory ;) Jussssst kidding!
Iso, Portie and I continue to make progress toward the launching of the Nina Brandenburg/Kerry Kincanon website, showcasing my music to both RL and SL audiences...in a very Heath Vercher/Elvejhem way.
I'm also thinking of moving out of my skybox and getting a bit of earth to call my own. I went to visit Yurie this week and saw his beautiful home, and his beautiful gardens, and it got me yearning for more. Trees....flowers....just more. Hopefully that's something I can accomplish between shows and socializing :)
I'll be back later, as ever....
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Happy One Year Anniversary :)
Today is a special day. It's the one year anniversary of the place I love more than anything in the metaverse--The Savoy Jazz Club. The owner, Crighton Johin, also happens to be one of my bestest friends. It's the place where I've met some of the most amazing people in my life, and the place where I reconnect with my spirit and my soul, because it's where I do most of my singing these days. I guess you'd call me the....'resident songbird' of the Savoy :) You can find me there singing every Tuesday afternoon and Saturday night, and hell....an awful lot of time in between, soaking up Crighton's straight head jazz, or Gany's eclectic mix, or Iso's blues...All of it, wonderful. Along with the wonderful company :) Congratulations Crighton and the wonderful DJs and Hosts of the Savoy Jazz. What a year it's been....here's to another wonderful one ahead of us!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Notes from an Eeyore
I swear to god, I'm the world's worst blogger. I haven't actually BLOGGED in almost 3 months. But what a 3 months it's been, really. I spose the reason I feel like I can actually write is because I'm feeling a bit lighter lately, although not completely. I've always been an "Eeyore" instead of a "Tigger". A very "Oh Pooh...." kind of girl. Some people are the sun, and others are the moon. I am, and have always been, the latter. Which is okay, because certainly, it takes all kinds to make a world, right?
Well, anyhow, somehow the stresses of a poor economy and a commission based sales job, 3 children, 1 husband, an overbearing mother and an awful lot of....well....stuff....kinda caught up with me in the world's worst way, and I found myself spiraling further down, into a pretty severe depression. Now, who's to say I haven't been midly depressed for a long time? It's possible, certainly. To be honest, I think I've been on a slow decline since Kate was born, but I truly did bottom out right after the holidays this year. It's a scary feeling, not to know where you're going, or what you want, and just feeling like crawling into a ball and avoiding your RL is the easiest, safest thing to do, lest you begin to make decisions due to sadness or anger.
Depression puts a lot of stress on the people who love you, also. To tell your husband "I'm not happy", and to mean it, takes a lot of courage, and it also takes a crapload out of you, emotionally. But it's freeing also, and thusly, puts a lot on him. Lots of questions, lots of insecure feelings. None of them intentional, or pointed, necessarily, but still. Everyone begins to shoulder the load.
Anyhow, I knew the only answer was to be proactive. I sought out a therapist. I went to my doctor, and she prescribed me some meds. All of this is helping, although it's no miracle. And nothing really is, I guess. We're still working out just how much medication I need to be happy, how much therapy I need to stay open and communicative...and at home, we're still feeling our way around a different situation. My husband told me he always looked at me as 'The Rock' of the family...like nothing could ever bring me down, and like I could handle anything and everything. That's a lot of pressure. A lot. It's kind of nice to admit you're not that thing, and that you, just like everyone else, are only human, and as fragile as the rest.
SL has been hard lately too. It's odd that, when you seem to need the people you love the most, they disappear. And I don't mean they're present and ignoring me. They are simply gone, or mostly gone. My best friend from the very beginning here, Lyss, has had to take a lengthy hiatus for personal family reasons, and while it's totally understandable that she has to, I miss her something awful. Also, another important person in my SL, Duncan, has been gone also, quite a bit. I miss the laughter we'd share, and while I know he'll be back, it still makes my SL harder...darker...without him.
Anyways, it's just been a weird time. For everyone, I think. I can think about all my friends, and it seems like everyone I know is just....GOING THROUGH IT. I was talking to Kimala about this last night, and it's just kind of odd. How everyone I care about, and everyone I live with, in RL and SL, is dealing with very major emotional and life changing events. So while I continue to fight my own battle, I spose my wish for all of us is that we just keep muddling through...and come out clean on the other side. I love us all. And I just hope we all get what we want. Tiggers and Eeyores, alike.
Well, anyhow, somehow the stresses of a poor economy and a commission based sales job, 3 children, 1 husband, an overbearing mother and an awful lot of....well....stuff....kinda caught up with me in the world's worst way, and I found myself spiraling further down, into a pretty severe depression. Now, who's to say I haven't been midly depressed for a long time? It's possible, certainly. To be honest, I think I've been on a slow decline since Kate was born, but I truly did bottom out right after the holidays this year. It's a scary feeling, not to know where you're going, or what you want, and just feeling like crawling into a ball and avoiding your RL is the easiest, safest thing to do, lest you begin to make decisions due to sadness or anger.
Depression puts a lot of stress on the people who love you, also. To tell your husband "I'm not happy", and to mean it, takes a lot of courage, and it also takes a crapload out of you, emotionally. But it's freeing also, and thusly, puts a lot on him. Lots of questions, lots of insecure feelings. None of them intentional, or pointed, necessarily, but still. Everyone begins to shoulder the load.
Anyhow, I knew the only answer was to be proactive. I sought out a therapist. I went to my doctor, and she prescribed me some meds. All of this is helping, although it's no miracle. And nothing really is, I guess. We're still working out just how much medication I need to be happy, how much therapy I need to stay open and communicative...and at home, we're still feeling our way around a different situation. My husband told me he always looked at me as 'The Rock' of the family...like nothing could ever bring me down, and like I could handle anything and everything. That's a lot of pressure. A lot. It's kind of nice to admit you're not that thing, and that you, just like everyone else, are only human, and as fragile as the rest.
SL has been hard lately too. It's odd that, when you seem to need the people you love the most, they disappear. And I don't mean they're present and ignoring me. They are simply gone, or mostly gone. My best friend from the very beginning here, Lyss, has had to take a lengthy hiatus for personal family reasons, and while it's totally understandable that she has to, I miss her something awful. Also, another important person in my SL, Duncan, has been gone also, quite a bit. I miss the laughter we'd share, and while I know he'll be back, it still makes my SL harder...darker...without him.
Anyways, it's just been a weird time. For everyone, I think. I can think about all my friends, and it seems like everyone I know is just....GOING THROUGH IT. I was talking to Kimala about this last night, and it's just kind of odd. How everyone I care about, and everyone I live with, in RL and SL, is dealing with very major emotional and life changing events. So while I continue to fight my own battle, I spose my wish for all of us is that we just keep muddling through...and come out clean on the other side. I love us all. And I just hope we all get what we want. Tiggers and Eeyores, alike.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Your Hands
Your Hands
When your hands go out,
love, toward mine,
what do they bring me flying?
Why did they stop
at my mouth, suddenly,
why do I recognize them
as if then, before,
I had touched them,
as if before they existed
they had passed over
my forehead, my waist?
Their softness came
flying over time,
over the sea, over the smoke,
over the spring,
and when you placed
your hands on my chest,
I recognized those golden
dove wings,
I recognized that clay
and that color of wheat.
the years of my life
I walked around looking for them.
I went up the stairs,
I crossed the roads,
trains carried me,
waters brought me,
and in the skin of the grapes
I thought I touched you.
The wood suddenly
brought me your touch,
the almond announced to me
your secret softness,
until your hands
closed on my chest
and there like two wings
they ended their journey.
Pablo Neruda
(1940)
When your hands go out,
love, toward mine,
what do they bring me flying?
Why did they stop
at my mouth, suddenly,
why do I recognize them
as if then, before,
I had touched them,
as if before they existed
they had passed over
my forehead, my waist?
Their softness came
flying over time,
over the sea, over the smoke,
over the spring,
and when you placed
your hands on my chest,
I recognized those golden
dove wings,
I recognized that clay
and that color of wheat.
the years of my life
I walked around looking for them.
I went up the stairs,
I crossed the roads,
trains carried me,
waters brought me,
and in the skin of the grapes
I thought I touched you.
The wood suddenly
brought me your touch,
the almond announced to me
your secret softness,
until your hands
closed on my chest
and there like two wings
they ended their journey.
Pablo Neruda
(1940)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Best of Me
Second Life has been a bit of everything for me, really. And of course, like so many of us, I'm quietly addicted. But why? What am I here for? What keeps drawing me in, with such a busy RL, to spend hours whiling away the evening (or the day off) in front of my laptop? My husband and I argue about it constantly. He's always talking about 'my computer', and has truly developed a jealousy for the thing...Second Life, mainly. We've gone so many rounds about it that I really can't even detail it here, but last night, he said something that really hurt. And also rang true. Which, of course, is why it hurt.
To preface....am I ever going to leave him? I certainly have no plans to, and never because of Second Life. If anything ever happened to split us up, it certainly wouldn't be because I met someone on SL. The same could be said for RL. As ever, the finding of a new person or infidelity is always a symptom of a deeper issue, something that you didn't fix, which inevitably, pushes people over the edge and into someone else's arms. So when he tells me "I'm just worried you're going to find someone better, better suited to you...I don't know why you're with me anyways", I just laugh and tell him I love him. Over and over and over.
But the thing that hurt last night was when he said "I dunno. I just feel like SL gets the best of you. And I get all the rest." I uttered, "Gee, thanks", and rolled over in bed. Pouting, as usual. But ya know, he's right. As with so many of us....we put our best feet forward here...are our smartest, sexiest, less inhibited, fun loving selves. In RL, where we feel safe, or even sedentary, we show our warts.
And is that fair? Between the job, and the kids, and the endless housecleaning and homework doing...shouldn't we give a little more...of the BEST of us...to our RL? If not for our spouses, but for ourselves? My friend Trip keeps telling me...'Whatever you do. Just sing. Get your ass out there and sing. In RL." And he's right. SL is a great place to get back on your singing feet, I suppose, but I owe it to myself to put one of the best things in my life back into my RL.
And that's just one example.
I spend hours shopping, playing with my inventory, being the hottest pixel bitch I can be, while so often, on my days off, I throw on a hoodie and forgo the shower and basically run around looking like a strega. I sit in front of my laptop, laughing and smiling while talking to the people I care for here, but I frown and crab at my husband and kids. And occassionally, he's seen that. And that is the crux of the issue, I do believe.
I love them all more than anyone could ever know. As much as all of you love your family...your RL people. And it's true...I get things from my SL that, having made the choices I've made, I do not get from my RL. But maybe it's time to....appreciate the RL a bit more. Smile a little more. Be more like Nina. Who is really me...about 10 years ago. So...what am I saying? I guess I just...need to find that girl again. And give her back, at least every once in awhile, to the guy who fell in love with her. And also, give her back to myself. Because as much as I like being her in SL....I miss her something awful in my RL.
To preface....am I ever going to leave him? I certainly have no plans to, and never because of Second Life. If anything ever happened to split us up, it certainly wouldn't be because I met someone on SL. The same could be said for RL. As ever, the finding of a new person or infidelity is always a symptom of a deeper issue, something that you didn't fix, which inevitably, pushes people over the edge and into someone else's arms. So when he tells me "I'm just worried you're going to find someone better, better suited to you...I don't know why you're with me anyways", I just laugh and tell him I love him. Over and over and over.
But the thing that hurt last night was when he said "I dunno. I just feel like SL gets the best of you. And I get all the rest." I uttered, "Gee, thanks", and rolled over in bed. Pouting, as usual. But ya know, he's right. As with so many of us....we put our best feet forward here...are our smartest, sexiest, less inhibited, fun loving selves. In RL, where we feel safe, or even sedentary, we show our warts.
And is that fair? Between the job, and the kids, and the endless housecleaning and homework doing...shouldn't we give a little more...of the BEST of us...to our RL? If not for our spouses, but for ourselves? My friend Trip keeps telling me...'Whatever you do. Just sing. Get your ass out there and sing. In RL." And he's right. SL is a great place to get back on your singing feet, I suppose, but I owe it to myself to put one of the best things in my life back into my RL.
And that's just one example.
I spend hours shopping, playing with my inventory, being the hottest pixel bitch I can be, while so often, on my days off, I throw on a hoodie and forgo the shower and basically run around looking like a strega. I sit in front of my laptop, laughing and smiling while talking to the people I care for here, but I frown and crab at my husband and kids. And occassionally, he's seen that. And that is the crux of the issue, I do believe.
I love them all more than anyone could ever know. As much as all of you love your family...your RL people. And it's true...I get things from my SL that, having made the choices I've made, I do not get from my RL. But maybe it's time to....appreciate the RL a bit more. Smile a little more. Be more like Nina. Who is really me...about 10 years ago. So...what am I saying? I guess I just...need to find that girl again. And give her back, at least every once in awhile, to the guy who fell in love with her. And also, give her back to myself. Because as much as I like being her in SL....I miss her something awful in my RL.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Stompin' at the Savoy...Ninny Live!
SLive Music. Howboutit?! Seriously, you figure, there's got to be more to SL than shopping, trivia and.....*shakes head*. Yeah. Anyhow....I've been so excited and blessed to start my SLive singing career! People have been so supportive and it makes me that much more sure that this is something I should be doing :) And I've wanted to for so long now....I guess 3 month hiatus' and a limited schedule sometimes makes things difficult, but you have to go for what you want sometimes :) And god, do I love to sing.
You kinda forget how much, after the years have passed and you're working this thankless schleppfest of a job and raising a toddler...just how much you loved the crowd. And the songs...my god. The songs. Wrapping your voice around something by Sir Duke or a swanky version of Summertime....now THAT'S better than sex. Well...*nod* Yes. It is. *laugh* I'm so jazzed to be doing this. Now I have an excuse to buy fancy dresses and get cute pictures taken :)
I've learned a few things, however. Get your damn lyrics sheets up BEFORE you start taking on a song you don't know 100%. Give people perms to your group so you're not trying to sing, add people, thank people for tips and type shout outs, all while trying to handle your animations (whew!). And lastly, and perhaps more importantly, do not drink an entire magnum of Savignon Blanc while you're singing. That makes for slurry stuff :)
Make sure you come check out the show...Tuesdays, 10AM SL Time...and also, random evenings TBA as we plod through this. And much love to Crighton...who puts up with me and let's me stomp all over his Savoy.
You kinda forget how much, after the years have passed and you're working this thankless schleppfest of a job and raising a toddler...just how much you loved the crowd. And the songs...my god. The songs. Wrapping your voice around something by Sir Duke or a swanky version of Summertime....now THAT'S better than sex. Well...*nod* Yes. It is. *laugh* I'm so jazzed to be doing this. Now I have an excuse to buy fancy dresses and get cute pictures taken :)
I've learned a few things, however. Get your damn lyrics sheets up BEFORE you start taking on a song you don't know 100%. Give people perms to your group so you're not trying to sing, add people, thank people for tips and type shout outs, all while trying to handle your animations (whew!). And lastly, and perhaps more importantly, do not drink an entire magnum of Savignon Blanc while you're singing. That makes for slurry stuff :)
Make sure you come check out the show...Tuesdays, 10AM SL Time...and also, random evenings TBA as we plod through this. And much love to Crighton...who puts up with me and let's me stomp all over his Savoy.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Bleeding Cubbie Blue....Again.
Being a Chicago Cubs fan is hard work. Hard, heartwrenching, awful emotional work. And we're down 2-0 with home field advantage...for some things, there simply aren't words. Except maybe, for these.
Yeah, don’t let them say that it’s just a game.
Well, I’ve seen other teams and it is never the same.
When you go to Chicago, you’re blessed and you’re healed
The first time you walk into Wrigley Field.
Heroes with pinstripes and heroes in blue,
Give us the chance to feel like heroes do.
Whether we’ll win and if we should lose,
we know someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
We are one with the Cubs,
with the Cubs we’re in love.
Hold our heads tall as the underdogs.
We are not fairweather, but foul weather fans.
Like brothers in arms, in the suites and the stands.
There’s magic in the Ivy and the old score board.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
In a world full of greed, we could never want more.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
Here’s to the men and the legends we’ve known.
Giving us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we’ll fall
down to our knees the day we win it all.
Yeah Ernie Banks said, “oh, let’s play two”.
I think he meant two hundred years.
Playing at Wrigley, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our fears.
Keeping traditions, and wishes anew,
The place where our grandfathers’ fathers they grew.
The spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And when the day comes for that last winning run,
and I’m crying and covered with beer.
I look to the sky and know I was right today.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
--Eddie Vedder--
Yeah, don’t let them say that it’s just a game.
Well, I’ve seen other teams and it is never the same.
When you go to Chicago, you’re blessed and you’re healed
The first time you walk into Wrigley Field.
Heroes with pinstripes and heroes in blue,
Give us the chance to feel like heroes do.
Whether we’ll win and if we should lose,
we know someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
We are one with the Cubs,
with the Cubs we’re in love.
Hold our heads tall as the underdogs.
We are not fairweather, but foul weather fans.
Like brothers in arms, in the suites and the stands.
There’s magic in the Ivy and the old score board.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
In a world full of greed, we could never want more.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
Here’s to the men and the legends we’ve known.
Giving us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we’ll fall
down to our knees the day we win it all.
Yeah Ernie Banks said, “oh, let’s play two”.
I think he meant two hundred years.
Playing at Wrigley, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our fears.
Keeping traditions, and wishes anew,
The place where our grandfathers’ fathers they grew.
The spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And when the day comes for that last winning run,
and I’m crying and covered with beer.
I look to the sky and know I was right today.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.
--Eddie Vedder--
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